


Bilbo Baggins: Professional Tease

by hero_of_bedtime



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Thorin, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, M/M, Oblivious Bilbo, Tattoos, Thorin Is an Idiot, bagginshield, bisexual bilbo, thorin oakenshield is an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:56:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_of_bedtime/pseuds/hero_of_bedtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo Baggins is a awkward hot-headed little man who develops crushes on awkward hot-headed not-so-little men like Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin knows nothing about hobbits and thinks bilbo is a fuming little mushroom and thinks bilbo's nose is more stupid than his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bilbo Baggins: Professional Tease

**Author's Note:**

> 4/28/15  
> this is not finished i just want to post it anyway lol  
> 4/30/15  
> UPDATED (a little)  
> 12/25/15  
> OKAY WOW SO I FINALLY GOT A NEW (well refurbished) LAPTOP!  
> expect some more works and a continuation on this fic!  
> 01/19/17  
> damn im not good at keeping promises, anyways idk why the text is formatted like that but deal with it

Thorin Oakenshield wasn't the same man after The fall of Erebor. No dwarf was, but Thorin's life sunk most of all. The smile displayed on his face was no longer, the brightness in his eyes faded. He had lost all the love in his life. They only thing inspiring him was the determination to get his treasure and home back. Things were changing starting on the first day of the quest, and the company had just retrieved the hobbit.                                                                         

 Thorin only thought two things of the hobbit; firstly, that he didn't seem like a burglar, and secondly that he was incredibly finicky. From the looks of him, the hobbit didn't look like he could make this journey. But days passed and passed, and the halfling held up well. Biblo Baggins wasn't the kind to go on adventures. Hobbits are meant to live in holes in the ground, eat good food, and lavish in comfort.Bilbo was quite fit for a hobbit, in fact hobbits are known to be quite fat. So the journey didn't kill him, exhausted him, but didn't kill him.                                                                                                                              

      The dwarfs definitely intimidated him. They were almost an entire foot taller than him, him being around 3'5", especially Thorin who almost reached 5 feet. He felt Thorin had a strong indifference towards him. Not necessarily hate, he didn't know him enough to hate him. But the feeling still weighed him down. They had traveled nonstop for almost the entire day, so the company stopped at a nearby inn. Bilbo, even with thick soles, was sore and was eager for rest. The abundance of dwarfs, wizard, and hobbit filled up the tavern, almost drinking them dry of ale.                                                                                                   

Bilbo was just getting comfortable when most of the dwarfs calmed down and the room was filled with low chatter and the occasional laugh. His peace was short lived when a large hand landed on his shoulder, he turned his head to find the youngest of them, Kili.

"Master Baggins, Master Baggins! Let us talk!" the alcohol in his voice was strong. The hobbit gave him a nod and uncomfortable smile.

"So, so! do you have a maid of your own at home?" he sat down by the shorter man, taking another gulp of his beverage.

 Bilbo shook his head purposely. "I'm 'fraid not.." Kili's eyes lighted up in the worst way possible.

"Ay! So you're more into lads?"

Bilbos eys shot to the young dwarf "Don't twist my words!-" 

"Who in the company is more in your suit?"

"Heavens please!" he gasped clutching his chest.

"Ah! Come oooonnn! Just pick one!" the dwarf lowered his voice.

"I don't know.." the hobbit gulped.

"alright how about this!" he turned his chair facing the other. "What do you look for in a partner Mr. baggins?"

Bilbo scratched his head thinking. "Well i like women with beautiful hair.." his face grew red. "...And tall men.. Strong.."

Kili dared to chuckle. "So, warrior like?"

"Well you could say that.. And i've always been partial to tattoos.."

Kili sneered humorously looking at his brother who let out a hardy chuckle.

"What?" the hobbits eyebrows furrowed in question.

"So you would shag uncle?" Kili remarked, a little to loud for biblo's liking.

"I said no such thing now!" The hobbit was flustered, and angry, or a combination of both. "There you go, AGAIN, twisting my words!"

"Uncle!" the young dwarf called to thorin a few tables over. 

 _"what are you doin-"_ bilbo's hiss ceased as the large dwarf made his way in front of them. 

"Is there something you are needing to tell me?" Thorin gazed towards his youngest nephew.

"Show the burglar your tattoo!" Kili practically jumped in his chair.

Thorin rolled back his sleeve to reveal beautiful inking scattered on his wrist. 

"This one?" he chuckled humbly. 

Bilbo's mouth gaped slightly. He hadn't met many with tattoos, and thorin's were glorious. 

"How many do you have?" he gazed at the delicate designs with a desire to touch them, but of course wouldn't dare.

"Oh, very many." he sat down by him pushing kili off his chair and rolled back the other sleeve to reveal more. Kili hit the floor with a grunt and moved else where.

"Do you have a favorite one?" bilbo's eyes did not leave his skin.

"Oh yes.. I'd be inclined to show you it..but not in front of others..." 

Bilbo's face grew deep red. He knew at this point that Thorin had obviously had too much to drink.

"Oh well.. Sounds like too much trouble.. Maybe some other time." bilbo didn't want to be alone with this intoxicated man, because he knew if he was they would both do something they would regret. 

Thorin's drunk ego shriveled at the rejection. He retired back to his seat with a nod and began gulping even more ale, perhaps to forget his regretful actions. Although Bilbo was Definitely not about to take up his offer, he felt a little remorse for the mountain king, even so if his flirting was influenced by ale. 

Hours passed and soon most of the company had retired to their beds, which fit one man or two dwarfs. Sleeping next to another man was not a dwarf taboo, in fact it was quite common for dwarfs of any gender to share a bed on cold mountain nights. The dwarfs snored as loud as lions with their bellies full of beer, which was bad news for Bilbo who was not only a light drinker but also a light sleeper. 

 


End file.
